So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
