I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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