I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
