I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
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