yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
