so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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