If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
