He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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