its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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