I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
