Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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