I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
