In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Let's get the cat blown out
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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