I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I can't turn off my feet"
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
