I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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