mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
