so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
