Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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