you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
