he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
