I want to stick my p in your. b.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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