i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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