Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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