why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
