i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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