I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
