I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
