Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I love having hate sex.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
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