I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
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