I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
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She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
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did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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