Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
