shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
