the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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