Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
