So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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