So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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