my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
