I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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