I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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