I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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