Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
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