There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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