Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
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