You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
