I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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