Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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