Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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