last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
It was confusing and full of hummus
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
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