I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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