my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Randomize
