Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
