I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
