i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
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