i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
