i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
