My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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