i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
