It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
