I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
