so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
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Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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