i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
